Conflict is Inevitable: Embrace It, Don’t Fear It
Conflict is as unavoidable as death and taxes, and it’s here to stay. Jeffrey emphasizes that our approach to conflict often makes it worse. Shifting the mindset from seeing conflict as a battle to viewing it as a conversation can immediately lower the stakes, helping both parties move toward resolution.
Changing Your Mindset Around Conflict
The key to handling conflict effectively is to change your perspective. Jeffrey suggests viewing conflict as an opportunity for conversation rather than confrontation. This mindset shift helps reduce anxiety and allows you to approach the situation calmly, creating a space for productive dialogue.
- Approach as a Conversation – Start by framing the interaction as a chance to solve a shared issue, not as a confrontation.
- Control Your Emotions – Channel your inner calm, or as Jeffrey says, your “inner Elder,” to stay composed. If emotions start to run high, it’s okay to pause and revisit the conversation later.
Establishing Consequences in the Workplace
Consequences are an essential part of any organization. A culture without consequences is chaotic. Jeffrey recommends a tiered approach to managing consequences in a fair and constructive way:
- Misdemeanors – Minor issues that can be addressed with a simple, informal reminder.
- Felonies – More serious issues that require a formal warning and possible write-up.
- Capital Offenses – Severe violations with immediate consequences, often leading to termination.
By establishing clear categories, firms can create a consistent approach to consequences, reducing misunderstandings and ensuring everyone knows what behavior is acceptable.
Turning Consequences into Learning Opportunities
Jeffrey explains that consequences don’t have to be punitive. Instead, view them as teaching moments to help team members understand expectations and improve. For instance, addressing chronic lateness with a conversation about its impact on team morale can be more effective than a harsh penalty.
Knowing When to Take a Step Back
Sometimes, conflicts can escalate despite your best efforts. Jeffrey emphasizes the importance of recognizing when to “tap out.” If a conversation is getting too heated, it’s perfectly okay to take a break and reconvene later. This approach helps prevent escalations and ensures that both parties can approach the issue with a clear mind.
Using Safe Words to De-Escalate
Having a code word, such as “my dog’s off the leash,” can signal the need for a break without explaining emotions. This pre-agreed signal allows team members to pause discussions constructively, preserving relationships and preventing unproductive conflict.
